On faith...again

Sometimes it scares me to see how similar I am to the Israelites throughout the Old Testament. Lately as I have been reading through those first tough books of the Bible that describe (in detail) the process of God choosing a people to be His own, I often find myself saying, "how dense could they be? Can't they remember the ways God miraculously saved them from a life of slavery in Egypt... or what about that huge cloud that was a physical reminder of God's presence with them and His guidance over every aspect of their lives...or what about that manna that was a very obvious reminder of God's provision for their every need? " I often get frustrated with their stubborn refusal to obey God and trust Him when it seems that they had every reason to put their trust in Him. Instead of being aware of how similar I am to them, I actually start sympathizing with God and thinking, "God, how did you put up with them?"

Who do I think I am anyway?! I am right along with those stubborn Israelites who could only handle what they felt they themselves could control. Little by little I am becoming painfully aware of how little I have really lived my life in faith. Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I believe that He cares for His children (me being one of them). Yes, I believe that God is capable of absolutely anything He chooses to do. My problems come when I believe all of these things, but don't live out those beliefs in practical ways. So much of my life has been lived out in a nice and comfortable setting where I feel like I have control over my situation. I have been able to make plans and basically know that they will happen as I planned. I have lived my life with checklists of things I need to accomplish, and have felt a sense of security in my ability to actually check off those items that were in my 'power' to control.

Now that I am in a season of life where everything seems completely out of my control, my plans could change at any moment, nothing seems sure, and I really do come to the end of my ability to work things out for myself... well, that's where I start to really understand what living by faith means. Although people always throw around that little word- 'faith'- I have been discovering that this little word should not be treated lightly! Faith is often terrifying in its immensity. What is God asking us to do?! ... "I'm supposed to walk where? But...God- I can't see the next step! How do you expect me to not be worried about all of the possibilities in that place just out of my line of vision where you're asking me to go? Yes, Lord- I know you love me and will take care of me, but couldn't you just shine a tiny flash of light there where I can't see so I can step more confidently?...what? This is faith? Can't I just say I believe and let that be good enough?"

So, this is what faith is? Lord, help me to live in the kind of bold faith that Caleb and Joshua had when the rest of Israel lived in doubt... help me to remember the awesome ways You have shown your power in my life and throughout history...help me to have faith like a child and to walk confidently in your peace... "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"... I want to live this kind of faith!